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Best-of EasyExpat.com 2017: the worst emails received

18 December, 2017 09:00  EasyExpat EasyExpat

Just before Christmas, and to finish this year, we are publishing for the 7th year the EasyExpat Best-of list (we skipped 2016, therefore we are compiling both years here) for the funniest or most bizarre emails we have received in 2016-17.

We remind you that EasyExpat is a list of city guides for expatriates, host a public forum for the community and free services such as job listing, classifieds, general articles on expatriation (FAQ), directory of expat websites. Apparently some Internet users did not understand it!

Enjoy.

You will understand that the goal is not to mock but just to relax and take it easy during the festive season.

Of course, spelling mistakes were not corrected but names and personal details have been replaced by XXX, or deleted. The text published is the only and full message received.

If you want to pursue this moment of relaxation and humour, please see our previous best-of:

Worst emails in English

Dear Sir / Madam,
I hope you are doing well.

My name is XXX,  Yemeni nationality.
I am writing to you wondering if I and my boss can join such courses related to English learning?

My boss English skills under zero, so he can start as a beginner;  and I can join any of advanced English conversation course, but both courses should start on same time.

Could you plz reply to me ASAP, so that we can discuss this matter.

Thank you,

Hi,
Maybe you can get me on the right track.
I'm trying to find out if my father is still alive.
The last time I saw him,I was 11 years old.
Now on Christmas Eve,I will be 64.
Can you maybe help me ?
Sincerely,
RXXX
XXX
USA
PS: I am Belgium,born in Merksem.

Good day
Please I want to migrate from Cameroon to malaisia
I pleasing you to help me with all inquires necessary for a peace full journey

XXX here. I live in Calgary AB Canada. Do wish to work in your San Francisco office. Please give me the email address to have my resume sent.

Hello.pls can you guys help me with any girl over there.my cell phone number.XXX.

Hello,

My name is XXX,I have 2 Console pianos that I need to be delivered back to city from UK.I only need you to store my items at your warehouse and deliver to my apartment after storage, Which  weighs 380 Kg each and Length x width x height = 58” x 25” x 40” = 1.661cbm,2 unit will be 3.322cbm /Volume 3.26m3 and the number of shipping case is 2 and have it Stored  for 3 months at your storage facility and deliver after to my apartment after storage.
 
Note:I can only use my credit card for the payment of this service.Do your company accept credit card?
 
Do get back to me with your cost for storage and method of payment so that I can go ahead and make payment if you can be able to move the items.
 
Regards,
XXX

Hello ,i've ordered from lovell soccer website 13 days ago and they said my order has arrived to kuwait ,but honestly idont know where or when it will be delieverd ,so i would like to know if its in ur office ,so i can come and pick it up ,ref num :RU4XXX

Rental Accommodation Ursynów area of Warsaw

I am contacting you on behalf of my daughter and two other University students who are all second year student at the Veterinary Medicine at the Warsaw University of Life Sciences .

She is now looking for a three bedroom apartment for Rental Accommodation Ursynów area of Warsaw. I have looked on your web site but have not had any success.

The apartment is required for the academic year starting October 2016 and, depending on suitability, will continue until the end June 2017 or beyond.

Can you please let me have any suitable accommodation which you feel might be available at the time required.

Please send any information to me at: XXX

Many thanks

Guide me that how can we start or open the christian school in india
or send me your contact number

Dear Sir

I am XXX buying Executive of XXX Group Limited company base in England. After visiting your website, I would like to build a partnership with your company.

We are interested in buying couple of the products you sell and want to place an order with you in large quantities.

Also we would be glad if you could give us an update on your stock and shipping details as quickly as possible

Please Advise!
Best Regards

I'm experienced 4 years in childcare,im interested to work in abroad any country. I'm waiting for the response.

Inquiry
Dear sir
Can we know your product prices to enable us compare and place our order, kindly confirm back to enable us send our order for further negotiation. wish to have a long term business opportunity with your esteem company
Our company is looking at a very large Amount of supply and we are being very careful not to get loads of knock off  products.
Note: Confirm if you can supply this quantity monthly. destination port Khalifa Bin Salman Port (KBSP)Bahrain

Hello,

From XXX tours, I'm XXX,and I wish to make a reservation with you for a group of 8 coming for a family Vacation/Holiday.We will like to know if you have vacancy for any fourteen days in the month of October.

We appreciate your prompt responds.
Regards,

Good morning spotahome,
I need your help please I'm looking for 2 apartments one for 2 adults and another one for a couple and little girl 3yrs.
Budget 600 minimum maximum 800 without utilities. Please next to metro, bus lines supermarkets. Term could be minimum 4 months up to long term. My expectation is for first week of September, I can visit apartments on Monday next week, today or next weekende. I could also pay in advance 3 months of rent plus deposit. This is urgent. I'm italian and renting for my family. Thanks.

hello
good day
dear sir/madam
my name is XXX, i am pakistani citizen,
i am interested business in madagascar, trading company office for nuts and spice and vegetables import export business,
please give me information also cost business licence also paper work and your services fee and my residence visa fee and how long processing time

Hallo Please send me a quote for the fees for a business visa for
Australia  All the costs application fee cost involved please

Hello,

I was wondering if you could please forward a parcel for me from Denmark to
Austria. I am trying to place an order online but the seller (Pandora
Denmark) would ship only locally, which is why I was wondering if you could
forward it to my Austrian address.

Many thanks.

Best,

Dear Sir/ Madam,

I hope this email finds you well. I have an urgent need to rent a furnished superior apartment for a family (of 4 people) on a longer period of time. We search upon a nice large apartment located in Eur area, and composed by 2 or 3 bedrooms, living room, kitchen/ dining room and bathroom(s).

Due to a shortage of time, I would kindly ask you to offer me few apartments as soon as possible. Please provide a short description, including prices.

You can also take in mind that I would be available to visit them in the forthcoming days.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

With kind regards,

Hi, I am waiting on a very important letter.  I have been tracking it and it's at the International Postal Center, probably at Incheon.  It's usually shipped to Korean Post EASTSEOUL Postal then to me...  I really need this package and with the korean holiday I won't get it until net wednesday.

Is it possible to pick up my ems package at the International Post Center or pay a service for it to be hand delivered?  I have been searching for options...

I really need this and can't wait past the weekend....

Hello , i wish you a great time filled with happiness
I am Jordanian and reside in UAE
i have sent my documents by Emirates Post to the written address for the university of Luxembourg
How can i know that my documents reached the university ?
the registered mail is XXX
the number of Dispatch is XXX
please help me
Best wishes

Dear Sir or Madam,
                   I am pleased to write to inquire if there are job openings for construction and factory workers(vacancy), which i can give you a number of very good energetic young men from Ghana to work in South Korea or where the need necessary.
This is an NGO seeking jobs for young people.

Thank you very much and hoping to hear from you sooner.

Hi,
 
We bought your products some time ago and now we would like to speak with your sales department.

Kindly forward me their email so we can begin with another purchase.
 
Thanks!
 
Best regards,

Greetings,

Please find attached RFQ (REQUEST FOR QUOTATION) for the attached product and quote us your best price and availability .

Should you have any request, feel free to contact us.

Best regards,

Dear Sir/ Madame,

I would like to kindly ask you to send me some offers of flats for sale in MUNICH (lower part of Englischer Garden). It should be placed in first street (the nearest to the park).
We are looking for flat 4+1 or bigger, (around 150-200 square metres) with park view, the higher floor the beter.
Would you be so kind and send me some offers?

MeHello
I need your help, we arrive by plane on the 13th August at 23:50 and we have to go 10 boat green to Edinburgh ... what would be the cost of a taxi ride for this night ride?
Thank you very much for your helpssage:

Dear Team,
Greeting from XXX – Spain

Kindly give us your best rate for below request:
Saudi Nationality
7 Adl + 2 Chd (6, 10 yrs)

City : Munich, Germany
From 03/08/2017 (Thursday) To 27/08/2017 (Sunday)
Room Type : Any 3 Bedroom Villa Or Apartment beside Leonardo Royal Hotel Munich

Please mention the rate NET or Commissionable, VAT included or not.

Hey ! Im XXX XXX in Laayoune and Im supposed to receive a treatment from usa ! And the tracking showed me that it's in casablanca and that's the Tracking number : XXX

Can you tell me if you exchange TTD to USD?

I am hoping you can help me with a destination service rate for a new import
as below
Commodity: Used Personal effects
Origin: please, advise the best POE and POA
Delivery address: Santa Cruz 85b, Santa Cruz, Aruba, Dutch Caribbean
Weight: 400 lbs
Dims: 2 @ 23x23x22
2 @ 19x16x20
1 @ 19x15x31
1 @ 30x12x17
The total physical weight is closer to 200-250 lbs, but volumetric weight
works out to be higher

Dear Sir/ Madam,

I hope this email finds you well. The company for which I work - XXX has an urgent need to rent a furnished apartment on a longer period. We search upon a nice apartment that is centrally located and composed by 2 bedrooms, living room, kitchen/ dining room and bathroom.

Due to a shortage of time, I would kindly ask you to suggest me few apartments as soon as possible. Please take note that I am already in Rome, so I would be able to visit them tomorrow or on Wednesday.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

With kind regards

Hi Supplier,

We have a new customer than needs your product very urgent.Please confirm if this order will be ready by next month.
Please do inform me if you can make exactly the same with the right quality material and email me your latest catalogue, MOQ, delivery time and payment terms.

Your early reply is highly appreciated.

Les pires emails en Français

Cher ami, Compliments de la saison, La plupart des gens ne répondent pas aux mails non sollicités, mais s'il vous plaît, je vous exhorte à ne pas traiter cela comme tel. Je veux demander d'abord votre permission avant de vous écrire dans les détails au sujet de la proposition que je l'ai. Je plaide pour votre consentement pour me permettre d'écrire de nouveau dans les détails pour vous. Votre réponse rapide sera appréciée. Merci, Mme XXX

Bonjour,

J’ai un colis d’une antenne VSAT de 3.7 m de diamètre pesant 505 kilos que je souhaite envoyer de Dubai en Guinée Bissau, je peux avoir le délai de livraison si possible et le tarif.

Espérant une suite favorable.

Cordialement.

J'ai besoin d'un service coment obtenir mon visa pour le mexique?

Bonjour j ai besoin de connaitre si vous avez les instruments pour solon de coiffure dames

Bonjour,

Je vous prie de me faire parvenir le formulaire de visa court séjour pour la Suède.

Bonjour mes chères vraiment veillée m'excusé , Je suis un maçon je cherche a partir travaillez avec vous ?

Peggiore e-mail in italiano

Voglio comprare casa a Sètubal perchè voglio trasferirmi con mio marito e mio figlio. Cerco un contatto in loco che mi faccia da tramite anche con la lingua con un'agenzia di compra vendita. Siamo disposti a dare un compenso. Siamo disponibili a partire dal 7/3 al 20/03 compatibilmente con impegni di lavoro per un primo sopralluogo. Sonia 

Peor de los e-mails en español

Señores He recibido vuestro mensaje de uds  pero creo  no era muy
dificil de vuestro lugar ya que tengo que conversar sobre vehiculos de
carga  pero necesito solo el nombre de la persona  que esta en el
Ministerio del Transporte para poderme conectarme con el  es cual es
su nombre  y su email  les estare muy agradecido de vuestra dilijencia
los saludo muy atte  auds  Basilio Kejaya  gracias

Hola buenas noches. Me llamo XXX. Me encuentro viviendo en Shanghai, soy de la ciudad de XXX, al norte de México.
Tengo experiencia trabajando con niños, enseñando español y teatro.
Me gustaría conocer si tienen lugar para mí, para dar clases en su escuela.
Tengo horario disponible.

Worst-Mails in Deutsch

Was passiert, wenn ich mich 1 Woche zu spaet arbeitlos gemeldet habe? Mein letzter Arbeitstag war 31/3 und ich habe mich erst mit dem heitigen Tag, 15/4 arneitlos gemeldet.

   



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